backfat for cubie

is there anything more frustrating than walking out to your car to head off to the office - when the sun is shining brightly but has that tinge of sadness around its edges because summer is well on its way to being over - and so you unlock the door to your car to head off to a job that you are grateful for because it pays bills but when you sit down and honestly think about it you aren't exactly sure how you landed this job or how you've managed to acheive success and whatnot even though your heart - as they say, is not in it...

but you have the aforementioned bills that beckon and a rudimentary escape plan forming in your head so you decide it's probably best to go ahead and go into the office take your lumps and be done with it because hey, it's already tuesday and tomorrow will be wednesday which means the weekend is just around the bend...and so you put the key into the ignition of your suv of choice turn it just so and nothing.

well, not nothing...it cranks, and cranks, and cranks but it simply refused to turn over and you think to yourself, hey wait a second - i didn't take on a car payment to have car trouble - in fact the very reason we took on this car payment was to eliminate car trouble once for all - but alas...and so you fiddle with wires under the hood and consult your owners manual and crank some more but the result is the same...and as you sit there staring through the windshield, you consult the rolodex in your head and begin diagnosing the malfunction based on your past experiences with car trouble and you wonder what those cartalk guys would say if they happened by and realize the inevitable - faulty fuel pump...because it's really the only thing that makes sense in this scenario...the starter is engaging and the plugs are firing so it can't be an electrical problem - and fuel pumps are notorious for going without warning - sometimes there are intermittent signs but then at other times they just leave you stranded - so you call into work and a co-worker graciously offers to pick you up because after all, there is work to be done - not that you can concentrate on work because you spend the bulk of the day wondering what to do about the car trouble - that is, when you aren't wondering who will be crowned the next lead singer of inxs - even as you dream of ways to arrange a chance encounter with the newly single brooke burke

but i think i realized today that life can be alot like car trouble sometimes all it takes is a simple breakdown to make you realize that you just might be stuck and i wonder at the people in the cubes around me and in cubes across amerika...is this how they envisioned life turning out? waking up each morning going to a job they could really care less about? it's like something out of a camus novel the way we go through the same routine every day for years as our hair thins out, our waist lines expand and back fat forms on our -- backs and our face takes on the look of someone who has settled because of the mortgage and the car payment and the kids need to get into a good college so they won't have to go through what we are going through at this very second - and i wonder is all of that stuff really worth it?

wouldn't it be far better if we pursued those things in life that we were/are truly passionate about? is it really over idealistic to presume that we could find a way to make things work if we were doing something we could care about deeply? and maybe, just maybe if we were pursuing our passions maybe money wouldn't matter so much - perhaps we are all cowards when it comes to stepping out into the unknown...and that, ladies and gentlemen is why i have decided to quit my job to go back to school to pursue my dream to become a professional fencer and as such, i will be taking applications for people willing to be my foils until i can build up enough confidence to compete professionally