it's friday i'm in love
call me hopelessly cynical, but when tom & katie announce their lovefest just in time for the press tours for their respective summer films - there is a part of me that rolls my eyes. because there's no way in this world that tom & katie are actually an item - maverick & joey? really? maybe in some alternate universe where dr. pheel is a changer of lives and shaun william scott is considered to be a fine comic actor this might be possible - but i'm here to tell you kids, this is not the world that i live in. in my world i live in fear that joey will ruin the next batman film with that smooshed up face of hers - and there's no way she knows the words to santa fe
of course my rambling discontent could be directly attributed to the death of my most recent crush - not literally of course - i should probably clarify that for those of you that are rushing to dial 911 (which by the way, is a joke in your town) even though i fear it may be too late as my surveillance cameras are informing me that my trailer is now surrounded by the fuzz. which, by the way also happens to be the name of the dance club where i met my first wife casiopia & you might thing that it was her peternatural toplessness that caused our love to go awry, but in the end it was her poor spelling and diction, i mean seriously, casiopia? - anyway, have you ever had a mad crush on someone for no apparent reason and then all of the sudden it just vanishes? that sucks. i'm here to tell you. i officially killed my crush on friday - and that's a shame because i really think i did love her - which happend to be casual friday, but that is neither here nor there since our office does not have casual friday...anyway, i had arrived at the office earlier than usual on friday and had headed up to the dreaded fourth floor when i suddenly realized that i had left my chequebook in the sexplorer and this would simply not do because i had to write out a check for the chicken tenders that i have been dreaming about ever since the girl scout cookies went the way of the dodo - anyway, as i stepped out into the parking garage i saw her drive by - in fact i was contemplating jumping in front of her speeding vehicle thinking this might be a great way for the two of us to finally meet because they say that dramatic meetings are always more memorable - and also, if i were laying there moaning plantively or something there would no doubt be some sort of physical contact of some kind that would ensue which is never a bad thing and maybe if she held my hand as i lay there internally bleeding we could have some of the forbidden hand sex that you hear adults talk about after all of the love has gone completely out of their lives - sadly, i thought of this after she had already past me by so after making a mental note of it i headed over to the sexplorer to retrieve my chequebook - long story short, we ended up standing side by side on a crowded elevator and i totally could have touched her or given her a wet willie - which in my experience has always been a better than average way to break the ice. and also - it's hard to mack on someone when they are standing directly beside you, because all you can really do is cast a sidelong glance which is what i did - which is what ended up killing the crush because i suddenly realized that - at least in my peripheral vision, she reminded me of someone back in college that i really didn't care for very much - and also, her casual day outfit? not so great - which was disappointing to say the least because she showed so much promise - and really, how can you love someone with your whole heart when you know full well that if you happen to catch a glimpse of them out of the corner of your eye it's all over....i'm often told that i am too demanding, but for the life of me i just can't see it.
of course my rambling discontent could be directly attributed to the death of my most recent crush - not literally of course - i should probably clarify that for those of you that are rushing to dial 911 (which by the way, is a joke in your town) even though i fear it may be too late as my surveillance cameras are informing me that my trailer is now surrounded by the fuzz. which, by the way also happens to be the name of the dance club where i met my first wife casiopia & you might thing that it was her peternatural toplessness that caused our love to go awry, but in the end it was her poor spelling and diction, i mean seriously, casiopia? - anyway, have you ever had a mad crush on someone for no apparent reason and then all of the sudden it just vanishes? that sucks. i'm here to tell you. i officially killed my crush on friday - and that's a shame because i really think i did love her - which happend to be casual friday, but that is neither here nor there since our office does not have casual friday...anyway, i had arrived at the office earlier than usual on friday and had headed up to the dreaded fourth floor when i suddenly realized that i had left my chequebook in the sexplorer and this would simply not do because i had to write out a check for the chicken tenders that i have been dreaming about ever since the girl scout cookies went the way of the dodo - anyway, as i stepped out into the parking garage i saw her drive by - in fact i was contemplating jumping in front of her speeding vehicle thinking this might be a great way for the two of us to finally meet because they say that dramatic meetings are always more memorable - and also, if i were laying there moaning plantively or something there would no doubt be some sort of physical contact of some kind that would ensue which is never a bad thing and maybe if she held my hand as i lay there internally bleeding we could have some of the forbidden hand sex that you hear adults talk about after all of the love has gone completely out of their lives - sadly, i thought of this after she had already past me by so after making a mental note of it i headed over to the sexplorer to retrieve my chequebook - long story short, we ended up standing side by side on a crowded elevator and i totally could have touched her or given her a wet willie - which in my experience has always been a better than average way to break the ice. and also - it's hard to mack on someone when they are standing directly beside you, because all you can really do is cast a sidelong glance which is what i did - which is what ended up killing the crush because i suddenly realized that - at least in my peripheral vision, she reminded me of someone back in college that i really didn't care for very much - and also, her casual day outfit? not so great - which was disappointing to say the least because she showed so much promise - and really, how can you love someone with your whole heart when you know full well that if you happen to catch a glimpse of them out of the corner of your eye it's all over....i'm often told that i am too demanding, but for the life of me i just can't see it.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home